I have been bad. It’s been almost two weeks since my last post.  Fail.  Sorry, dudes.  I’ve experienced so much pop culture since then, I’m going to give you the highlights.  As I sit here listening to the Christmas music channel on digital cable (why do I always forget about those music channels?!), let’s look back on the past two weeks, shall we?

When last we talked, it was about Prince William’s engagement.  Well, he tried to steal the thunder of another Brit, but he was unsuccessful: HP7: Part 1 opened on the 19th, and I went to a midnight showing.  You know, I just realized how annoying it is that the movies aren’t numerically symmetrical with the books, what with seven being the most magical number.  Right, Jo?  That being said, I liked the movie.  The action sequences were good.  Though, the first movie didn’t quite make the case that a split was necessary.  It was a little too slow, so for it to be worth it for me, the second movie better not leave out any detail.  Again, though, I did enjoy it.  Especially Godric’s Hollow and Malfoy Manor.  Okay, HP geeking out is over now.

The second pop culture event I took part in was seeing the Broadway musical Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.  I’ll try to refrain from fagging out here (there will be plenty of time for that later), but the cast of this hot mess is amazing.  Patti LuPone, Sherie Rene Scott, Laura Benanti, Brian Stokes Mitchell…  If those names mean nothing to you, you should be ashamed.  This one should be familiar though: Justin Guarini!  Yep, that curly-haired moptop from season one of American Idol.  Anyway, if you love crazy trainwrecks, see this show.  It’s amazing.

The next big event (commence fagging out) was a midnight showing of Burlesque in Chelsea!  Oh.  My.  God.  That movie was amazing.  I don’t know if it was bad enough to be of Showgirls calibur, but it was pretty terrible.  And also fabulous.  The production numbers!  Cher!  Xtina!  And the fact that there was only one true burlesque number performed!  The rest were just girls doing hip-hop/jazz hybrid dances in underwear.  The audience applauded after each one, and laughed at the terrible writing/acting, which one woman got very upset about.  She kept asking her boyfriend (?), “What is so funny?  I’m not getting it.  Am I missing something?”  Brilliant.

Then there came Thanksgiving.  I spent the morning baking and watching my friends from Memphis perform in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (I hate the lip-syncing that happens during that parade).  I spent the afternoon/evening with my sister, sister-in-law, nephew, our Brooklyn family, and Emily.  That is a day to be thankful for.  Here are my pies:

Saturday, we went to the Christmas tree farm, and picked out two beautiful trees: one for me and one for my sister’s family.  My nephew was absolutely enamored with everything Christmas: Santa, snowmen, reindeer, etc.  And yesterday, I spent all day watching Fa La La La Lifetime movies (A Diva’s Christmas Carol?  Yes, please!) and decorating my tree.  As with last year, my tree is decorated with some cheap 99¢ store ornaments, but mostly handmade ones cut out from my Entertainment Weeklys, with Ellen Degeneres serving as my angel (as she is everyone’s).  This year, there were some new additions joining last year’s Tina Fey, Bones and Booth, Heidi Montag, Lady Gaga, and others.  My tree is proud to name these amongst its occupants: the Gilmore Girls, Cher, Justin Bieber, RuPaul, and Melissa and Joey.  ‘Tis the season!  Here’s a pic:

A few months back, Entertaintment Weekly did a story on the best years for movies. I can’t find it, but I swear they did. I’m not sure if one of the years they talked about was 1994, but if we’re talking about my life, that was certainly a year in film for the books. I’m not sure why, but the other day, I pulled up the Wikipedia page for that year and was shocked by how many movies came out that year which I love (and own). Some are legit great movies, while most are movies my 11-year-old self loves.

There was so much family fare and kids movies that came out that year. At eleven, I was the prime demographic for most of them. This was the first year I saw a movie more than once in the theater — D2: The Mighty Ducks, to be exact. I saw it twice, and I own it on DVD. I then proceeded to see The Lion King four times in the theater. Ah, to be young again with so much disposable income.

Forget about all the quality movies that came out that year. I mean, I love Forrest Gump, Little Women, and Pulp Fiction as much as the next guy, but what it’s really about for me are the basic cable/Disney Channel staples that came out in 1994 and that I will stop to watch whenever they come on. Here’s my Year in Review for the films of 1994 that I love:

3 Ninjas Kick Back — For me, the best of the 3 Ninjas movies. Yes, I have a favorite 3 Ninjas movie.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective — Obvi, this movie is bananas.

The Air Up There — Kevin Bacon goes to Africa to find the new star of his college basketball team. He’s so short and white, and they’re so tall and black!

Andre — Who doesn’t love a raspberry-blowing seal?!

Angels in the Outfield — Baby Joseph Gordon-Levitt!

Blank Check — Kid gets a blank check and buys himself a lot of stuff before learning a lesson about material things not being everything in life. Brills.

Camp Nowhere — Own it on DVD. Kids run their own summer camp, tricking their parents. Jonathan Jackson, Andrew Keegan, Christopher Lloyd.

D2: The Mighty Ducks — See above. The quack attack is back, Jack!

Iron Will — Dog sled racing and Mackenzie Astin!

It Could Happen to You — Nic Cage wins the lotto and gives half of it to his waitress as a tip. Amazing.

Junior — Pregnant Schwartzeneggar. Danny DeVito, reminding us of when they were in Twins. And Emma Thompson? What’s she doing in this movie?!

The Lion King — See above. Let’s not kid ourselves, Jonathan Taylor Thomas was the main draw here.

Little Big League — I saw this movie with my parents in the theater. Kid’s grandfather leaves him the Minnesota Twins in his will. Kid appoints himself the manager. Life lessons about kids being kids are learned.

Little Giants — Rick Moranis coaches a group of misfits in football to show his brother, Ed O’Neill, that he’s special too. Devon Sawa’s film debut!

The Little Rascals — Derek from Full House is in it!

The Mask — This is such a weird movie, but we got some more sweet Jim Carrey quotes! And introducing Cameron Diaz!

Maverick — I saw this movie in the theater with my daddy. I still love it even though Mel Gibson is a terrible human being.

Milk Money — Boys hire Melanie Griffith, a hooker to teach them about sex. She ends up in trouble with her pimp and poses as a tutor for one of the kids. Ed Harris, the kid’s dad, falls in love with her.

My Girl 2 — A terrible excuse for a sequel, and I love every second of it.

Nell — Na, kah, Chickapea! I saw this in the theater too.

The Next Karate Kid — Starring future Oscar winner Hilary Swank!

North — Elijah Wood hates his parents and looks for new ones.

Only You — Robert Downey, Jr. pretends to be Marissa Tomei’s fated lover, the one a psychic told her about when she was a teenager. She stops her wedding to follow him to Italy.

Richie Rich — The second movie on this list featuring Tony winner Christine Ebersole. Love this ridiculous movie. He’s too rich to make friends!

The Santa Clause — My sister took me to see this. Love it. The sequels? Not so much.

A Simple Twist of Fate — Steve Martin wrote the screenplay for this about a cranky man who takes in a stray…child.

Next time you’re flipping through the channels on a rainy weekend such as this one, and one of these movies in on the Hallmark Channel, I suggest you watch. Maybe you’ll love them as much as I do. (You probably won’t.)

Yesterday, Entertainment Weekly posted the a poll asking which cartoon readers thought was more attractive: the Beast as a Beast or the Beast turned back into a human.  I thought, along with columnist Annie Barrett, that the answer was fairly obvious.  72% of the readers agreed with us.  The Beast as a Beast was so obviously more attractive.  I don’t know why, but Disney animators missed the mark there.  I mean, it’s a weird thing to say you prefer an unidentified animal with fangs and claws and fur to a flesh (ink) and blood man, but the results don’t lie.  And it’s not the “bad boy” thing because he was really sweet inside and she helped him realize that and changed him!  And isn’t that what every woman wants to do? 

But this got me thinking about a conversation I had semi-recently in an improv rehearsal.  We were doing an exercise where someone gives a category — favorite breakfast cereals, for example — and everyone says the first one that came to their mind.  Well, someone asked for the Disney character you’d have sex with.  I thought of mine and then hesitated.  I laughed and literally said, “Mine’s kind of weird.”  One of the other girls said she thought she knew what I was going to say, and she had thought of it too.  We start going around and, everyone else’s were fairly normal: Prince Eric, Jasmine, etc.  Then I said mine.  And no, it wasn’t the Beast.  But it was Robin Hood the Fox.  Turns out, that is who the other girl was thinking of.  And another girl in the group was like, “ohhhhh! Yeah!”  The guys were totally weirded out.  Then, no joke, a few days later, one of my friends from college had something about how hot Robin Hood was in her gchat away message.  What the heck, ladies?

Yes, I know that this is all silliness and obviously impossible hypotheticals.  But I do think it’s weird and also amazing that we can look past the fact that he is a FOX, and be like, “I’d totally do him.”  He’s just so dashing!  Disney did a bang up job on this one, creating a super sexy character that somehow resonated with women enough for them to be attracted to an animal.  So weirdly, I guess I chose Robin Hood for his personality, but the Beast for his looks.  Because the Beast as a man is just fug.

I haven’t posted in four days.  Whoops.  Two of those days it was because I was busy being awesome and living my life: improv, drinking, birthdays, Grease Sing-A-Long (AMAZING), gay sketch show, etc.  But the other two, I was literally doing nothing but watching things on Netflix streaming.  No, I didn’t get my own account yet, but after this week you can bet I’m gonna.  I’m cat-sitting at my sister’s, and she has a Wii and a Netflix account.  Jackpot.  There was such a wealth of entertainment, you can’t possibly be surprised that someone who blogs about pop culture couldn’t pull herself away from all the pop culture.  The three movies I watched on Saturday were all “event movies” from last year that I hadn’t seen yet!  This needed to be rectified.

The first thing I watched was The Proposal.  You know I love a rom-com, and you know I love Sandy!  This movie was adorable and predictable, as a good rom-com should be.  Betty White was obviously delightful, and I love an appearance from Craig T. Nelson.  One of the good things about The Proposal was that, at first, I wasn’t really sure how it was going to end.  And, I really didn’t care.  I was fine with it going the way it went, but if they had taken the rom-com road less traveled that would have been good too.  Seriously though, the best part of this movie was Ryan Reynolds.  Mmmm…Ryan Reynolds.  He’s crazy good looking, and that dry delivery?!  Forget about it.  I’m smitten.  He can do no wrong in my eyes.  I’ve been a fan for a super long time.  Not only since Two Guys and a Girl still had a pizza place, but since he was on the Canadian teen drama Fifteen that aired on Nickelodeon.  It was brilliant.  Witness:

My second choice was something I was ashamed to say I hadn’t seen for a long time.  I finally watched Up.  It was everything we have come to expect in a Pixar movie.  The funny thing is, what we expect is the unexpected.  Pixar constantly suprises me with how wacky they can be while still remaining grounded and real.  It reminds me a lot of improv.  Not to get all comedy nerd on you, but improv scenes are all about the world that you create and the relationships between the people in that world.  If the people are acting honestly based on the reality you’ve created, it doesn’t matter how weird that reality is.  You believe it.  By grounding Carl and Ellie’s relationship in such reality, you believed the extreme measures he would go to hold onto what he had left of her: his promise.  That strong relationship also allows you to see Carl’s ability to start caring for Russell, Dug, and even Kevin (talk about wacky).  I wonder if they make the Pixar team do corporate improv retreats.  Perhaps they should.  I bet they could all make UCB Harold teams.

Finally, I watched Zombieland, and I found it delightful.  I wish I had watched it only two weeks sooner, as until then, I had managed not to find out who had the “amazing cameo” I heard so much about.  Unfortch, there was an Entertainment Weekly article in the last issue that gave it away.  I can’t really be mad at anyone but myself, however.  You can’t claim to be “spoiled” nine months after a movie came out.  Certainly not by something you choose to read.  A friend maybe.  Anyway, I love Jesse Eisenberg a lot, and found his nerdiness as appealing as ever.  (Ummm…digression, but The Social Network looks bananas amazing).  I don’t know if it really did anything that Shaun of the Dead hadn’t already done, but it was a fun movie.  I really hate Twinkies, though.

The rest of Saturday and Sunday I watched Season 3 of Bones.  I love that show.  On to Season 4!  Thanks, Colleen and your Netflix. 

This is Entertainment Weekly’s 20th anniversary year, so they’re doing a lot of looking back.  In this week’s issue, they count down the 100 Greatest Characters of the past 20 years.  Now, there are some I feel are missing (No Daria? No Angela Chase? No Camden family from 7th Heaven?!  Okay, that last one was a joke), but it’s a really good list overall.  And I just wanted to share some thoughts about some charaters who jumped out at me.  Next to them is where they fell in the order of the list.

1. Homer Simpson

    I love The Simpsons, but that’s probably because I stopped watching it a while ago.  When I did watch it, man was I into it.  I’ve seen every episode of at least the first half of the series.  When it first came out, I put a self-imposed ban on the show (I felt it was inappropriate), but I finally came to my senses in junior high and became a hardcore fan.  The Simpsons were a huge part of my introduction to the Internet.  I spent my time in the early days of dial-up in Simpsons chatrooms and taking Simpsons trivia tests.  While I love every character on the show, I get why Homer was singled out.  Way to go, Homie!

2. Harry Potter

    Oh, HP, where would I be without you?  JK’s amazing world routinely takes me out of the reality of smelly New York subways and into the ever-confusing halls of Hogwarts.  At the center of this complex world is a complex character who we get to see grow up before our eyes.  A self-proclaimed fangirl, I must address the movie adaptations, which I find to be flawed (as most movie adaptaions are), but extremely well done.  If you’re a non-reader and are confused, I have no sympathy for you.  There’s an easy and enjoyable remedy if the movies seem to have plot holes.  Read the books, and fill them in like the rest of us.  You won’t be sorry.  One thing though: how hard is it to get Daniel Radcliffe some green contact lenses?!

7. Edward Scissorhands

    I have a confession to make: I’ve never seen the end of this movie.  Edward Scissorhands scares the shit out of me.  When I turned the page and saw his picture, I gasped and proceeded to cover it up so I could read the accompanying story.  I understand it’s a beautiful tale about an outsider finding acceptance, but all I see is the creepy guy who made me cry and lock myself in the bathroom at the age of eight.  One day I’ll watch this movie, but I’ll be in a safe place, surrounded by those who love me.

18. Sue Sylvester

    Not even one season into the show, and Sue’s on the list?!  Bravo, I say!  Jane Lynch is a genius and deserves to be on this list several times over for memorable characters she’s helped to create.  You know whenever Sue comes on screen, she’s going to say something insane, delivered to perfection by Jane Lynch.  The occasional glimpse at Sue’s soft side (being romantically rejected, interacting with her sister) add depth to this character, who could come across as just plain bitchy.  One word: Outstanding!

34. Cher Horowitz

    Clueless was an important movie of my youth.  Cher was hilariously ignorant of how ignorant she was.  Yet, she really just wanted to make the people around her happy.  True, sometimes it was for personal gain, but what teenager wasn’t a little selfish?  In the end, it didn’t matter that she ended up with her ex-step-brother (weird) because we wanted to see her happy.  Not to mention Paul Rudd’s Josh was super adorable.  Cher helped usher in fashion trends, some of which are back (knee socks, babydoll dresses) and slang, most of which I still use.  I’m outie!

47. Corky St. Clair

    Waiting for Guffman was the movie that made me realize I was a “theatre person.”  I had worked with Corky St. Clair.  Anyone who has done community theatre has worked with Corky St. Clair.  I understood the jokes in this movie as if they were written for me.  You know when you get a really good joke, and you just have to say out loud, “Yes! That is true! That’s exactly how it is!”  All of Waiting for Guffman is that joke.

65. Lorelai and Rory Gilmore

    We all already know how much I love Gilmore Girls.  I miss these women.  I miss their relationship.  I wish I knew what they were up to now.  I imagine they’re talking about Heidi and Spencer splitting up and Emily has no idea what they’re saying.  I wish I could bring this show back.

75. David Brent

    When I first saw the American Office, I, like many others, hated it.  Mostly because the pilot was just a rehashing of the British pilot.  And the Brits did it better.  Now, I love and can appreciate the show that was inspired by the original, but there’s nothing quite like the original.  David Brent is indescribably awkward, and the discomfort I get when watching him interact with other people is oddly pleasurable.  You know what I would love to see?  Extras’ Andy Millman having a conversation with David Brent.  Amazing.

77. Mimi Marquez

    One of the few characters I disagree with being on this list.  I love that Rent is represented here, but if I were to pick a character from the show, it would have to be Angel.  Angel is the heart of Rent.  His is a character of joy, love, and acceptance.  The spirit he embodies is eventually what brings Mimi back from the edge.  Oh, it probably doesn’t help that I can’t stand Daphne Rubin-Vega’s voice.

79. Elphaba

    If only you could remove the flaws from the musical Wicked and the book Wicked, then I think you’d have the perfect Elphaba.  I love the mainstream spotlight that Wicked and Elphaba put on musical theatre, but I feel the Elphaba in the book is a much more complex and well-rounded character.  I know a lot of people rag on the book, and I agree, it wasn’t the easiest of reads.  However, I think because I know the musical version and the book version of Elphaba, I have a better understanding of the potential character she could be.

86. Karen Walker and Jack McFarland

    The apex of a fag/hag duo, Jack and Karen are everything I want to be in life.  They’re irreverent (sometimes downright mean) and do what they love for the pure joy of it.  While their questionable behavior often gets them in trouble, we can learn a lot from them.  If we could all be that free with our friends and ourselves every now and then, it would make those days where we have to be responsible a little easier. 

92. Christopher Boone

    I don’t read a lot of contemporary literature; I’m not familiar with what’s out there, and I try to only take suggestions from people whose taste I trust.  My sister gave me The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time as a present, and luckily I’ve always trusted her taste.  Christopher, a fifteen-year-old with Aspergers, narrates this touching and funny mystery novel.  I’ve reread it countless times, and never get tired of entering Christopher’s interesting and complex world.

I have many rituals in my life. Some of this has to do with people being creatures of habit; most of it has to do with the fact that I’m a little cuckoo. Here are some examples:

• Whenever I open a DVD or CD case, I turn the disc so the label is right side up and straight before I take it out.

• If/When I’m really into a season of American Idol, I take notes during each episode. I write which song each contestant sings and rate them with smiley faces.

• I read my Entertainment Weekly from cover to cover each week. No matter how interested I am in the feature story, or how much Emily wants to spoil the bull’s-eye for me, I start at the letters and read to the end.

One of my other rituals also involves CDs. When I buy a new one (yes, an actual CD), I have a process. Right now, I’m using this process on the Original Cast Recording of Memphis the Musical, which is amazing, and you should see it. Now.

First, I listen to the CD from start to finish. I do this as many times as it takes for me to anticipate the next track, i.e. when Change Don’t Come Easy ends, I can already hear the drum beat of Tear Down the House in my head before it even starts. I like to know the flow of the CD, how it’s meant to be listened to, and also to familiarize myself with the songs.

Once I have that down, I start listening to the CD on random (or shuffle, to use iPod vernacular). Now, this can be tricky if you’re listening to a CD that is continuous play, like FutureSex/LoveSounds, one with interludes, or other musicals that may have short talking bits or reprises. Sometimes, at this point, I’ll make a separate playlist without those talking bits or interludes. Memphis has neither of those things, so when I get to this point, we’ll have a smooth transition. The whole point of this step in the process is for me to learn all the words as best I can.

After I feel I know the words, runs, background harmonies, etc., I introduce the CD into my regularly scheduled listening, which is just everything on shuffle. I love hearing the ridiculous juxtaposition of my musical tastes. Here’s literally a sample:

• Memphis Lives in Me – Memphis Original Cast Recording

• City Love – John Mayer

• Survivor – Destiny’s Child

• Yellow Submarine – The Beatles

• Running – No Doubt

• Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist – Avenue Q Original Cast Recording

• Crush – Gavin DeGraw

• Too Much Time on my Hands – Styx

• Please Don’t Go Girl – New Kids on the Block

• It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over – Lenny Kravitz

Hmmm…kind of funny that my ritual ends in such musical chaos.