I’ve heard this question many times in my life: “You waited how long?” Followed by the inevitable: “Was it worth it?” And honestly, I don’t know that I’ve ever answered that question in the negative. I’ve waited for many an hour on many a line for my pop culture, and it’s totally worth it.

Most recently, I probably waited the longest I ever have on line, outside even, for Standing Room Only tickets to The Book of Mormon. Yes, not only did Emily and I wait eleven hours for tickets to a show we’d already seen, but the tickets we were waiting for entitled us to stand in the back of the theatre for the duration. No seats, no backrest. Just our feet and the seat-backs in front of us to lean on. And it was 100%, no doubt about it, worth it. I obviously knew the show would be worth it. But the wait itself was part of the fun:

Waiting on line is just like going on a roadtrip. Sure, it gets a little uncomfortable, sometimes boring, and long. But just like a roadtrip, you have to be prepared. Bring activities! Dress appropriately! Start sing-alongs! (You’d think this wouldn’t go over well, but since most of my line-waiting is music related, no one usually throws things at me.) And bring good company. Of course, if you go by yourself, make friends! When you’re waiting on line for something, all the other people on that line want it just as badly as you. They’re your people! Some of them are going to be weirdos, obviously, (I mean, I’m a weirdo), but some of them are going to be awesome. And even if you never talk to them again, you will always have this line.

I’ve waited on line for Broadway shows (obvi), signings (BBMak, Carol Channing, Patti LuPone), comedy shows (UCB), drag queens (Drag Race), midnight movie releases (HP), concerts (Adam Lambert), rollercoasters (Kingda Ka), after parties (*NSYNC), and screenings (HP), among other things. I even waited in line for a Harry Potter book release and wasn’t even buying the book. (I’m a fancypants and ordered the UK publications from Amazon.) So, if you’d rather take a plane somewhere or pay for the luxury of a seat, I’ll meet you on the other side. And while I’m waiting for you, I’ll pass the time with a good round of “Going on a Picnic.”

Well, I can pretty much guarantee I’m not going to be on the next season of Jeopardy.

So, Jeopardy used to have “contestant searches,” where I’m assuming you would go to a conference center and take a written test. Then for a while, they also had a “Brain Bus” that would go to cities. You could play a game, and possibly qualify to take the test. Like the Cash Cab? (Dream Spoiler Alert: You can’t just “catch” the Cash Cab. You agree to appear on a TV show; you just don’t know it’s Cash Cab. Then the cab arrives to take you to wherever the producers told you to go.) But now, it’s all done online. And today was one of the online tests. And I failed it. I failed it like it was an Honors Physics test from junior year (Physics is Phun! Right, Doc I?).

Clearly, pop culture is one of my strengths, but I am a woman of diverse interests. I’m also pretty smart. And I’m also self-aware. I know my weaknesses. And when the first clue popped up (There are 50 clues, and you have 15 seconds per clue), my heart stopped. Something about an Algerian author. Crap. Africa. I hate to say this, but the entire continent of Africa is my weak spot. My weakest spot. I mean, I blame myself but I also blame our school system. What do we ever learn about Africa in general education classes. Pretty much nothing. Ummm…What is “I have no idea whatsoever”?

I did get a handful correct. One was a clue about Debussy. Being a music major, it would have been pretty unforgivable to get that one wrong. I also got the wordplay ones right, some Spanish translation and another about “raining cats and dogs.” Also, if you’re ever asked about a Swedish Actress, Ingrid Bergman will be the response. 95% of the time. I made up that statistic. The one I’m most proud of getting correct though came from another of my weak spots: the Bible. I know you’re shocked. But I got it right! Because the answer is in a song. Ha. The clue was about an archeologist wanting to find the site of a Biblical city where walls came down. Thanks, choir! What is “Jericho”?!

Unfortunately, there were many more clues like the Algerian author than Jericho, and I was just no match for Trebek and his Clue Crew. But I remembered a lot of the clues I couldn’t answer, looked them up, and now know. And here’s a map of Africa, just for good measure:

P.S I also hope they change the questions for the other online tests becuase I just gave away a lot of answers. Whoops.

I have been bad. It’s been almost two weeks since my last post.  Fail.  Sorry, dudes.  I’ve experienced so much pop culture since then, I’m going to give you the highlights.  As I sit here listening to the Christmas music channel on digital cable (why do I always forget about those music channels?!), let’s look back on the past two weeks, shall we?

When last we talked, it was about Prince William’s engagement.  Well, he tried to steal the thunder of another Brit, but he was unsuccessful: HP7: Part 1 opened on the 19th, and I went to a midnight showing.  You know, I just realized how annoying it is that the movies aren’t numerically symmetrical with the books, what with seven being the most magical number.  Right, Jo?  That being said, I liked the movie.  The action sequences were good.  Though, the first movie didn’t quite make the case that a split was necessary.  It was a little too slow, so for it to be worth it for me, the second movie better not leave out any detail.  Again, though, I did enjoy it.  Especially Godric’s Hollow and Malfoy Manor.  Okay, HP geeking out is over now.

The second pop culture event I took part in was seeing the Broadway musical Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.  I’ll try to refrain from fagging out here (there will be plenty of time for that later), but the cast of this hot mess is amazing.  Patti LuPone, Sherie Rene Scott, Laura Benanti, Brian Stokes Mitchell…  If those names mean nothing to you, you should be ashamed.  This one should be familiar though: Justin Guarini!  Yep, that curly-haired moptop from season one of American Idol.  Anyway, if you love crazy trainwrecks, see this show.  It’s amazing.

The next big event (commence fagging out) was a midnight showing of Burlesque in Chelsea!  Oh.  My.  God.  That movie was amazing.  I don’t know if it was bad enough to be of Showgirls calibur, but it was pretty terrible.  And also fabulous.  The production numbers!  Cher!  Xtina!  And the fact that there was only one true burlesque number performed!  The rest were just girls doing hip-hop/jazz hybrid dances in underwear.  The audience applauded after each one, and laughed at the terrible writing/acting, which one woman got very upset about.  She kept asking her boyfriend (?), “What is so funny?  I’m not getting it.  Am I missing something?”  Brilliant.

Then there came Thanksgiving.  I spent the morning baking and watching my friends from Memphis perform in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (I hate the lip-syncing that happens during that parade).  I spent the afternoon/evening with my sister, sister-in-law, nephew, our Brooklyn family, and Emily.  That is a day to be thankful for.  Here are my pies:

Saturday, we went to the Christmas tree farm, and picked out two beautiful trees: one for me and one for my sister’s family.  My nephew was absolutely enamored with everything Christmas: Santa, snowmen, reindeer, etc.  And yesterday, I spent all day watching Fa La La La Lifetime movies (A Diva’s Christmas Carol?  Yes, please!) and decorating my tree.  As with last year, my tree is decorated with some cheap 99¢ store ornaments, but mostly handmade ones cut out from my Entertainment Weeklys, with Ellen Degeneres serving as my angel (as she is everyone’s).  This year, there were some new additions joining last year’s Tina Fey, Bones and Booth, Heidi Montag, Lady Gaga, and others.  My tree is proud to name these amongst its occupants: the Gilmore Girls, Cher, Justin Bieber, RuPaul, and Melissa and Joey.  ‘Tis the season!  Here’s a pic:

Contrary to what fairy tales like Cinderella, (terrible) movies like The Prince & Me, and even some people’s real lives like Grace Kelly having been telling me all my life, I guess this regular girl is not going to be a princess.  Not Prince Willam’s princess anyway.  It finally happened: Wills and Catherine “Kate” Middleton are engaged.  (Does anyone else find it weird that she spells Catherine with a C but Kate with a K?  No?  Just me?  Okay.)  So just like my mom did when Diana got married, and just like I did when Diana died, I’ll wake up at some ungodly hour to watch it all go down across the pond, and for those few hours wish I were British.

I’ve always been a bit of an Anglophile.  I’m a big fan of Brit Lit, contemporary and classic: Harry Potter, all Jane Austen.  And their pop music has always been fantastic — Why does America hate dance music so much?!  And while I’m not one of those crazies who know/follow everything the Royals do, I did love Diana.  (Sorry, Wills, this blog post about you is going to be about your mom too.  You know how it goes.)  I was fourteen when she died, so not only did I have the romanticized view of her as everyone else, I also had this teen angst connection with her.  You know: they didn’t understand her, and she was so strong.  Who knows how much of what we know about her is true, but I know one thing.  In 1997, they made a Beanie Baby in her memory.  And in 1997, there could be no greater honor.

The press was pretty kind to William and Harry after that, and we only saw them occasionally, especially stateside, I’m sure.  But I did notice that William was getting super cute (as would Harry eventually, minus that Nazi thing…).  And in 2000, I just happened to be in England when Williamania hit, i.e. his 18th birthday.  There were so many specials on Brit TV.  And he did his first official photo shoot, allowing cameras into Eton.  There were pictures of him cooking!  And in a Union Jack vest!  This was also when I first learned the term “prefect,” which would come in handy when I started reading HP the following fall.  I also looked up if I, as an American, could marry him.  Yep.  If I’m remembering correctly, I could.  I think I could even be Queen because the King is more in charge or whatever.  The only hitch was, I was a confirmed Catholic, so I’d have to get excommunicated.  For Wills, I would have done it.

Alas, it seems it is not to be.  I never did do that semester abroad at St. Andrews I fantasized about.  (Fun fact: Jonathan Taylor Thomas also did a semester there.)  Had I, perhaps it would be our engagement the Prince of Wales would be announcing.  At least that’s how it went in my dreams.  Instead, I’ll just have to be content waking up to watch his wedding at 3:00am. 

Oh, and here is the “Prince William” section from my magazine collection:

Guys!  It’s Tuesday night!  And that means Glee is back!  I was so excited for this!!!  Now, I did take notes during the episode, but I promise, I won’t just recap the entire episode.  I know not all of you watch Glee (though you should), and some of you who do may not have watched yet.  But based on my notes, here are a few observations (Careful, though, there may be things some people might consider spoilers.):

1. Rachel has new bangs.  Methinks Lea Michele wanted to look prettier.

2. You can tell they make TV shows ahead of time.  The “hit songs” they do are Empire State of Mind and Billionaire.  Maybe it’s me, but I’m kind of over those songs.  They better do my new jam, Fuck You, at some point.  And no radio version.  Just beep that shit out!

3. No specifics, but this episode is pretty racist, and it’s hilarious.

4. Sue was OUTSTANDING!  Great quips and dog poop cookies!

5. I wish this Sue PSA had been part of the actual show.

6. The new lady (I use that term lightly) football coach reminds me of Miss Trunchbull from Matilda.  Put Finn in the chokey!

7. Okay, here I am going to get specific.  Someone introduces that they’re going to sing “Listen from the movie Dreamgirls.”  Rachel makes a point of saying it was a Broadway show first.  That may be true, Rachel, but the song Listen was written specifically for the movie, so it’s not an incorrect statement.  Think.

8. Burlesque ad!  Another thing I’m excited for!

9. Cheyenne Jackson!

10. The final musical number was what I had been waiting for since the season one finale in June.  Thank you.

11. Oh, I thought I was done, but then they showed the preview for the Britney episode next week.  It’s going to be epic.  Another thing to look forward to!!!  Thanks, Glee!

It’s always best to be cautious when welcoming in a new season. Those first couple of weeks are dicey — you never know if it’s going to be t-shirt warm or jacket cold. In fact, I’m outside, and it went from one to the other as I sat here. But I’m not afraid to say it: I’m so glad it’s finally fall! In my rankings of the seasons, fall comes in at two, behind winter and ahead of spring, with summer bringing up the rear. Weather-wise, I think fall and spring might tie, but in activities and treats, fall takes the (pumpkin-flavored) cake.

Perhaps my favorite thing about the fall is Halloween. Oh man, do I love Halloween. I love getting dressed up. I’m totally going to be that mom who still wears a full costume to hand out candy. And if you’ve read this blog, you know my stance on Halloween candy — maybe this year, trick-or-treaters! I pride myself on never having repeated a costume (at least once I started choosing them myself), and can tell you what I’ve been every year since kindergarten. Some highlights: 3rd grade: The Statue of Liberty, 5th grade: a Stop Sign, 9th grade: Pippi Longstocking, 11th grade: a Newsie (duh), 12th grade: Daria, Soph year of college: Kelly Osbourne, last year: a Walk of Shame. I also have this (apparently annoying) habit of keeping my costumes a surprise. It’s not because I think they’re super amazing, but just because I think it’s fun for everyone to show up to work or school or wherever and all be surprised. So, I do have an idea of what I’m going to be this year, but I’m certainly not going to tell you!

I’m also a huge fan of all things food that come with fall. Pumpkin flavored everything. Apple cider, hot and cold. Thanksgiving-y and harvest-y foods. You know it’s fall when you walk into a Starbucks and see the Pumpkin Spice latte up on their specials board. I got one the other day! Not from Starbucks, but still… Food related activities are also super fun. When I was little, we always went apple picking every fall, an extremely country thing for our very suburban family to do. It was so much fun. And the pies that would be made! Oh, the pies! Two years ago, my mom, sisters, and little nieces came out in September, and we went apple picking. Well, they (and a zillion other relatives, including my dad and a nephew who hadn’t been born yet) are coming back in a few weeks, and apple picking is penciled in on the itinerary. Plus, there’s always the trip to the pumpkin patch! Now that I have a nephew in the city, Halloween is going to be even more fun!

As for fall entertainment, there’s obviously great TV to look forward to (as previously blogged about), and fall baseball! It’s one of the best times to go see a ball game (depending on how your team is doing). Hopefully my White Sox can “cinch it up, and hunker down” as Hawk Harrleson says, and end this season with a bang! The theatre season is also starting, and while many shows I’m excited for aren’t opening until 2011, there are some great shows opening this fall. Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson, which I missed at The Public, is thankfully coming to Broadway. I’m also interested to see Elf and can’t wait for Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, obvi (Patti! Sherie! Laura!) And don’t forget movies. The one I’m absolutely salivating over is The Social Network. Oh, man. It. Looks. Epic. Not to mention Part 1 of HP and The Deathly Hallows. All in all, I think this fall is shaping up to be pretty shamzing!

I am a fan of adaptations: books to movies, movies to musicals, plays to movies, movies to plays, TV shows to YA book series, the list goes on and on. I have no problem with this so long as the intentions and integrity of the original are maintained, and the new medium to which it’s adapted also maintains its integrity. Just with any original material, things can turn out well or badly:

Books to movies: Harry Potter = Yay! The Baby-sitters Club (1995) = Boo!

Movies to musicals: Legally Blonde = Yay! Fame = Boo!

TV shows to YA book series: Full House Stephanie books = Yay! Full House Michelle books = Boo!

So, here’s a thought I had the other day: why aren’t more songs adapted into other mediums? I mean, we have rock operas based on concept albums (The Who’s Tommy, American Idiot). Why not a movie based on a story song? “Now, Patty,” you ask, “whatever could have brought on this thought?” And I reply, “Well, I was listening to my iPod on shuffle, as I am want to do, and the 2002 Avril Lavigne hit Sk8er Boi came on. Then I thought, ‘Wouldn’t this make a great movie?’”

Paramount Pictures thought so, at least for a hot second. The song was optioned in 2003, but according to Wikipedia, the project has been shelved. What?! No! While I don’t think this is actually a “good” idea, who wouldn’t watch this movie? Just listening to the song, you really get to feel for these tortured teens. I mean, he was a punk and she did ballet! What more can I say?! It’s a classic story of star-crossed lovers, and I would watch it. If only to see my dream cast of Ryan Sheckler playing Sk8er Boi opposite Taylor Swift’s Ballerina. And since the end of the song is set in the future, Avril can play “herself” and be in the studio singing that they wrote about a girl he used to know. Now, we just throw in some other high school stereotypes and celebrity cameos, and we’re good to go! Miley Cyrus will be cast as the bitchy friend, who in the future gets tickets to Sk8er Boi’s rock show (without inviting her old high school friend Ballerina. See, told ya she was a bitch). Stephen Colbert as Ballerina’s disapproving father will also end up at the rock show (also not having invited his daughter) and fall in love with Sk8ter Boi’s mom, played by Courtney Love. Zac Efron will play against type and be Ballerina’s jerk future husband (remember, Ballerina has a baby in the in song!). Tell me this isn’t a blockbuster in the making.

Now, if I could only have gotten GEICO to adapt their Tiny House commercial into a TV show instead of the Cavemen, I’d be the happiest girl alive.

This is Entertainment Weekly’s 20th anniversary year, so they’re doing a lot of looking back.  In this week’s issue, they count down the 100 Greatest Characters of the past 20 years.  Now, there are some I feel are missing (No Daria? No Angela Chase? No Camden family from 7th Heaven?!  Okay, that last one was a joke), but it’s a really good list overall.  And I just wanted to share some thoughts about some charaters who jumped out at me.  Next to them is where they fell in the order of the list.

1. Homer Simpson

    I love The Simpsons, but that’s probably because I stopped watching it a while ago.  When I did watch it, man was I into it.  I’ve seen every episode of at least the first half of the series.  When it first came out, I put a self-imposed ban on the show (I felt it was inappropriate), but I finally came to my senses in junior high and became a hardcore fan.  The Simpsons were a huge part of my introduction to the Internet.  I spent my time in the early days of dial-up in Simpsons chatrooms and taking Simpsons trivia tests.  While I love every character on the show, I get why Homer was singled out.  Way to go, Homie!

2. Harry Potter

    Oh, HP, where would I be without you?  JK’s amazing world routinely takes me out of the reality of smelly New York subways and into the ever-confusing halls of Hogwarts.  At the center of this complex world is a complex character who we get to see grow up before our eyes.  A self-proclaimed fangirl, I must address the movie adaptations, which I find to be flawed (as most movie adaptaions are), but extremely well done.  If you’re a non-reader and are confused, I have no sympathy for you.  There’s an easy and enjoyable remedy if the movies seem to have plot holes.  Read the books, and fill them in like the rest of us.  You won’t be sorry.  One thing though: how hard is it to get Daniel Radcliffe some green contact lenses?!

7. Edward Scissorhands

    I have a confession to make: I’ve never seen the end of this movie.  Edward Scissorhands scares the shit out of me.  When I turned the page and saw his picture, I gasped and proceeded to cover it up so I could read the accompanying story.  I understand it’s a beautiful tale about an outsider finding acceptance, but all I see is the creepy guy who made me cry and lock myself in the bathroom at the age of eight.  One day I’ll watch this movie, but I’ll be in a safe place, surrounded by those who love me.

18. Sue Sylvester

    Not even one season into the show, and Sue’s on the list?!  Bravo, I say!  Jane Lynch is a genius and deserves to be on this list several times over for memorable characters she’s helped to create.  You know whenever Sue comes on screen, she’s going to say something insane, delivered to perfection by Jane Lynch.  The occasional glimpse at Sue’s soft side (being romantically rejected, interacting with her sister) add depth to this character, who could come across as just plain bitchy.  One word: Outstanding!

34. Cher Horowitz

    Clueless was an important movie of my youth.  Cher was hilariously ignorant of how ignorant she was.  Yet, she really just wanted to make the people around her happy.  True, sometimes it was for personal gain, but what teenager wasn’t a little selfish?  In the end, it didn’t matter that she ended up with her ex-step-brother (weird) because we wanted to see her happy.  Not to mention Paul Rudd’s Josh was super adorable.  Cher helped usher in fashion trends, some of which are back (knee socks, babydoll dresses) and slang, most of which I still use.  I’m outie!

47. Corky St. Clair

    Waiting for Guffman was the movie that made me realize I was a “theatre person.”  I had worked with Corky St. Clair.  Anyone who has done community theatre has worked with Corky St. Clair.  I understood the jokes in this movie as if they were written for me.  You know when you get a really good joke, and you just have to say out loud, “Yes! That is true! That’s exactly how it is!”  All of Waiting for Guffman is that joke.

65. Lorelai and Rory Gilmore

    We all already know how much I love Gilmore Girls.  I miss these women.  I miss their relationship.  I wish I knew what they were up to now.  I imagine they’re talking about Heidi and Spencer splitting up and Emily has no idea what they’re saying.  I wish I could bring this show back.

75. David Brent

    When I first saw the American Office, I, like many others, hated it.  Mostly because the pilot was just a rehashing of the British pilot.  And the Brits did it better.  Now, I love and can appreciate the show that was inspired by the original, but there’s nothing quite like the original.  David Brent is indescribably awkward, and the discomfort I get when watching him interact with other people is oddly pleasurable.  You know what I would love to see?  Extras’ Andy Millman having a conversation with David Brent.  Amazing.

77. Mimi Marquez

    One of the few characters I disagree with being on this list.  I love that Rent is represented here, but if I were to pick a character from the show, it would have to be Angel.  Angel is the heart of Rent.  His is a character of joy, love, and acceptance.  The spirit he embodies is eventually what brings Mimi back from the edge.  Oh, it probably doesn’t help that I can’t stand Daphne Rubin-Vega’s voice.

79. Elphaba

    If only you could remove the flaws from the musical Wicked and the book Wicked, then I think you’d have the perfect Elphaba.  I love the mainstream spotlight that Wicked and Elphaba put on musical theatre, but I feel the Elphaba in the book is a much more complex and well-rounded character.  I know a lot of people rag on the book, and I agree, it wasn’t the easiest of reads.  However, I think because I know the musical version and the book version of Elphaba, I have a better understanding of the potential character she could be.

86. Karen Walker and Jack McFarland

    The apex of a fag/hag duo, Jack and Karen are everything I want to be in life.  They’re irreverent (sometimes downright mean) and do what they love for the pure joy of it.  While their questionable behavior often gets them in trouble, we can learn a lot from them.  If we could all be that free with our friends and ourselves every now and then, it would make those days where we have to be responsible a little easier. 

92. Christopher Boone

    I don’t read a lot of contemporary literature; I’m not familiar with what’s out there, and I try to only take suggestions from people whose taste I trust.  My sister gave me The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time as a present, and luckily I’ve always trusted her taste.  Christopher, a fifteen-year-old with Aspergers, narrates this touching and funny mystery novel.  I’ve reread it countless times, and never get tired of entering Christopher’s interesting and complex world.

The most amazing thing happened to me the other day.  You know how you’ll be doing your laundry and you’ll find $20 you didn’t know you had in a pocket?  Well, it was kind of like that, but instead of finding $20 in my pocket, I found Bagel Bites in my freezer!  I have been trying (and failing) to be better at cooking for myself, but I’ve been so busy lately, my pantry and refrigerator are wastelands.  So, when I found these Bagel Bites (acquired in a fit of nostalgia for a girls’-night-in when my friend Susan was visiting), it was like manna from heaven.  And tonight, that manna is what I ate for dinner.

I wouldn’t immediately think of food as being a part of pop culture, but it totally is, especially if you’re a kid.  I mean, you have snacks and cola wars (Pepsi!), not to mention what goes into school lunches.  My elementary school and junior high didn’t have hot lunch, so it was all about what chips you brought and whether your mom got you Gushers or not (mine almost never did).  Those of you who had hot lunch will have to back The Baby-sitters Club up on this (as that’s where all my junior high hot lunch knowledge comes from), but bringing your own lunch under those circumstances was extremely uncool.  Then for your after-school activities, Bagel Bites and Totino’s Pizza Rolls (which we also bought, and consumed, on girls’-night-in) were status symbols.  If you had those when your friends came over, your parents got it.

There was also status attached to Halloween candy, not only in the size of the bars given out, but the quality of candy.  Tootsie Rolls are, to some, a Halloween classic.  To me, they are disgusting and a dime a dozen.  People who give out Tootsie Rolls on Halloween have no vision.  Same goes for Dum-Dums and Smarties.  You’d probably think I’d be all about full size candy bars, but they’re a little too ostentatious for my liking.  I don’t need to know you can afford to buy Hershey bars in bulk from Sam’s Club.  Just give me a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, and I’m happy.  The best way to go, in my opinion, is the assortment of Hershey’s Fun-Size candy bars.  We can all agree that Fun-Size is a bit of a misnomer, but still, they are the perfect Halloween candy.  And that’s what I buy.  Even though I live in an apartment building in Brooklyn.  And in four Halloweens living here, I’ve never had a trick-or-treater.  But I buy it anyway.  Just in case.  Because I know what’s up.