So, in my improv class tonight, this girl told the craziest story.  She used to work in film production and was working an event Universal was throwing to honor Julia Roberts for her work in Erin Brockovich.  One of the attendees was George Clooney.  This girl was helping a bunch of executives get settled at the event, and George came up to her and asked if she would hang out with him because he didn’t really know anyone.  Of course she was like, okay!  So she hangs out with George Clooney all night, and when the event is over, escorts everyone to the hotel lobby to get cabs to go to the airport.  George holds the car door open for her and asks her to come to LA with him and then onto Vegas.  She’s like, “George!  I can’t.  I live in New York!”  George says, “Come!  It’ll be so much fun.  Just come to LA with me.”  Well, she then informed George Clooney that she had just gotten engaged and couldn’t just run off with him.  He dipped her, kissed her, and said it was too bad. 

What the What?!  That is the stuff of movies.  Quite literally.  Notting Hill.  Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!.  It’s a simple formula: regular person meets celebrity, celebrity falls for regular person.  And here it was in someone’s real life, and she turned down the movie star.  The entire time she was telling this story, I was thinking how it sounded like all the fantasies I’ve had about celebrities.  As a child, I loved Joey McIntyre from NKOTB.  Whenever my friend Mandy and I would play house, we’d always fight over who was married to him.  Whoever lost that fight would end up being married to his non-existent twin brother, who we made up for the purpose of this game.  Imaginative, but pretty simple stuff.  As I got older, however, the scenarios grew more elaborate.

When walking around my suburban Chicago neighborhood in junior high, I would frequently have this one fantasy about Jonathan Taylor Thomas.  I’d be enjoying the day, minding my own business, when he would come running around the corner.  You see, a pack of girls would be chasing him, and he only just got away.  I, of course, would give him refuge in my house.  Then we’d get to talking:  He was here visiting an aunt.  I was a fan, but still saw him as a person.  And so on.  He’d obviously fall in love with me, and we would be boyfriend and girlfriend.  Since this was before everyone had cell phones, he would give me a long range walkie-talkie, so we could talk to each other when he went back to LA.  Yup.

I also had this very specific fantasy about my class trip to Disney World sophomore year of high school.  As Leonardo DiCaprio had filmed part of Marvin’s Room there, I thought it was logical that he’d maybe shoot another movie there.  And this movie would happen to be shooting when we were there for our trip.  And he would happen to have a day off on the day of our performance, and, of course, happen to wander by as I was singing some solo.  He would fall in love with me despite my 16 years, and I would attend the Oscars with him in a replica of the red and black beaded dress Rose wore when she tried to jump off the Titanic to her death.  Wow.

I still have these crazy fantasies, especially living in New York.  There are so many celebrities everywhere, most of the fantasies involve me literally running into people, starting a conversation, and them realizing how amazing I am.  Justin Timberlake is one of them, of course.  As an adult, though, they’re not all about cute boys.  This scenario also works with Tina Fey.  I accidentally bump into her.  We share a brief, but terribly witty conversation.  She thinks I’m hilarious and hires me for 30 Rock.  That’s how it’s done, right?  None of this hard work at relationships or your career.  You just meet a celebrity and they make all your dreams come true.  Unfortunately, the girl in my improv class only reinforced this message in my head.  That one day Jonathan Taylor Thomas will ask me to run away with him.  But I will say yes.