I understand how reality TV works.  Really.  I get that it’s not really real.  You have some people who are putting on an act, and even those who aren’t are acting only as “real” as they can in an abnormal situation.  And there are the editors, who are the real storytellers, taking hours of footage and turning out storylines of compelling melodrama or just silliness.  And I also know, thanks to Laguna Beach, The Hills, etc., that there are those kind of “reenactment” reality TV shows.  But I never watched those shows; I just wasn’t interested.  Well, now that fake sort of reality TV is infiltrating one of my favorite reality TV genres: food shows.

It started with Cupcake Wars.  I didn’t question the validity of this show at first.  Perhaps I was too dazzled by the delicious looking cupcakes.  Or too annoyed by the condescending way the host informs the contestants of the passing time with ridiculous statements. (Don’t forget to include time in your recipe! You have ten minutes!)  Or perhaps I was just happy to see the actor/carpenter have a place on TV again (Trading Spaces, anyone?).  But the more I watched the show, the more things seemed suspect.  The premise is that four cupcake bakers battle it out in three rounds with one winning the chance to have their 1,000 cupcakes served on their specially made display at some sort of event immediately following the show.  Now, sometimes I noticed the cupcakes served at the events were minis, not the full-sized cupcakes they made during the show.  Not to mention, the more I thought about it, the less it seemed likely an event would be cool with serving 1,000 cupcakes made hastily in a TV studio kitchen.  There has to be days between the show and the event.  I’m not buying it.  Plus, what do they do with the losing teams cupcakes?!

Then today (which prompted this blog post), I was watching Amazing Wedding Cakes on one of those lady channels.  On this show, they usually show the cake’s journey from consultation to execution and delivery.  You get to see the couple with the cake on their wedding day.  That seems like a lot of set-up if it’s just a reenactment.  On an episode I watched today, though, something caught my eye.  I knew one of the couples!  We’re just acquaintances, and I knew they were together, but not that they were getting married.  I called one of our mutual friends, and he said he didn’t know they were getting married.  A quick facebook search revealed they were not married, not on facebook anyway.  Amazing Wedding Cakes, how could you?!  Sure enough, they showed a consultation with the couple, and they made the cake, but it was never delivered.  There was no cake-cutting moment because there was no wedding!  So beware if you’re watching this show and there’s no happy bride and groom shown.  It’s all lies!

The worst of these shows, however, is DC Cupcakes.  And not because it tries to trick you into thinking it’s reality.  Because it thinks you’re so much of a moron, you’ll believe it’s reality.  It’s one thing to do a reality show that consists of realistic reenactments.  I mean, if I hadn’t known that couple on Amazing Wedding Cakes, I might not have realized some of it was fake.  But the people on DC Cupcakes are so obviously acting, it’s impossible to suspend your belief for even a second.  And yet…it’s so bad, I can’t really stop watching it.  They’re such terrible actors, and the reenactments are so contrived, it really is riveting to watch.  I find myself laughing out loud at the sheer silliness of it.  One time, the sisters who own the bakery had aday to finish a big display of cupcakes.  Cut to a shot of them waking up underneath a table, where they had fallen asleep on broken down pink pastry boxes.  They stretched and yawned like cartoon characters and exclaimed, “Oh my gosh!  We fell asleep!”  Brilliant.  When it’s this bad, I’m totally okay with the lie.